Little Things

As a nurse, there is a lot you see, know, and do that you sometimes wish you didn't have to.  You're there when the doctor gives a patient the bad news that they have terminal cancer.  You're there to take care of the IV drug abusers who may not live to recover from their current infections and who are not ready to change their bad habits even if they do pull through.  You're there to hold a patient's hand while they die.  You're there to care for the innocent child who has been abused and neglected.  You see patients and their families in their most raw, exhausted, scared, angry, run-down moments.

These situations can make my job a little difficult, but it has been particularly draining to be a nurse in my hometown where I know many of my patients quite well.  I have left the hospital so many days knowing things and having seen things that are sad, disturbing, and involve people that I have grown up with or known the majority of my life.  Knowing some of those patients makes those issues that much closer to home and to reality instead of it just being "some patient I had last week...".  A few particular situations with some of my patients recently have seen me leaving work with a heavy heart.  As much as I have thought, "this just stinks", these experiences have been a blessing to me in helping me to realize how blessed I am.  

For example, this is the site I see in the early mornings before heading off to work:

Kenners has been crawling into bed with us in the middle of the night lately, and when Garrett gets up and moves to the couch to get away from Kenadie's helicopter kicks, she promptly follows him.  So sweet.  I'll admit, I have felt a little sad that I can't be the one to console her nightmares in the middle of the night because she only wants Daddy.  It definitely hurts my heart when I see her for the first time in a few days and reach to give her a hug and kiss only to have her scowl at me and run away crying for her daddy, or her auntie, or her grandma.  Sometimes I think, "Where is the love for your mother who is so excited to see you!?  Haven't you missed me at all!?"  Although I sometimes feel like chopped liver next to her daddy, I have to admit that when I see my little girl sleeping on the couch next to him, I can't help but think of how glad I am that she loves him so much and feels safe with him.  I love capturing these little moments on camera before starting my day and I feel overwhelmingly grateful knowing throughout my long, hard work days that I have a happy, healthy, loving family to come home to (regardless of whether or not my little girl runs into my arms when I get there).