Retrospective Gratitude

This was me: 3 months pregnant, 5'9' and at 123 lbs, 15 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight.

I am smiling in the picture, but I think I puked 5 times that day 

even though the only things I consumed were water, a small protein shake, and a "Preggie Pop". 

And I think it was only a few days after that when all my puking landed me in the hospital.

Oh, the memories! :)

I often used my blog to describe how I thought pregnancy was the worst thing in the world. 

Morning sickness extended well into the last trimester, migraines were abundant, heartburn was constant, ankles were three times their size, and then labor was not much better.

Yes, I have said many prayers of gratitude for my perfect little girl.

I am so thankful for her and would gladly go through it all again to have her. 

However,

I don't think I've ever uttered a word of gratitude for my pregnancy. 

Until now.

Of course I'm not jumping for joy in anticipation of being pregnant again.

Of course I wish I could have easy pregnancies and easy deliveries.

Of course I kind of envy those women who do. 

But,

I'm sure many women envy me for being able to carry a child at all

and while those nine months were nothing desirable

I am grateful that my Father in Heaven saw fit to give me some extra challenges 

probably in hopes that I would become a stronger, better, thankful, more humble person from it all.

Probably also so that I would have an extra appreciation for the little girl who toots around the apartment "talking" on my cell phone all day.

Probably so that I could look around me and realize that as miserable as I felt, 

at least I had the ability to get pregnant.

I must say I have probably let Him down somewhat in what He was trying to teach me.  

I don't know that I have allowed that particular challenge of pregnancy to turn me into a stronger, better, thankful, more humble person.

I want to rectify that 

and begin to see every difficult circumstance for what it is: a chance to grow. 

Maybe only now, 13 months after I experienced pregnancy, am I finally understanding why it needed to be so hard for me.

So there you go.

I am grateful for that experience, and while I feel extremely sheepish for all my whining and complaining in the past, I am hoping that I am starting to become more like the person He wants me to be.